went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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