Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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