tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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