I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
