I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
