you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
