she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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