I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
