i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
