So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
