You're my little dorito
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
