dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
