I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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