Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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