dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
