After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
