He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
