Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
