I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
