you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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