We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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