I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
