closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
