This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
