you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
