so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
