put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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