You can't motorboat a personality
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
