It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
