You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
