she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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