mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
