I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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