I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
