I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
