and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
