so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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