is your mom at the bar?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
