Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
