apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
