I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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