Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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