wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
