Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
