she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
