i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
