what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm at about main and main street
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
