Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
