So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
