yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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