Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
