I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
