He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
