Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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